Growing up in our house as a kid and a teenager there were always rules, but one stands out even to this day and that was: “No one in the house when I’m not home!” I have to be honest, as a teenager, especially when it was just me and my Mom this rule was not always kept because after my father left my Mother was forced to take a job to help cover the bills even though my Dad paid alimony which many times led me to an empty house after school. Let me stop here a moment, the reason why I did not break this one particular rule was because while my parents were still married, I came home to a house where my mom was always there to greet me. As I look back I loved the fact that my mom was there. It was a sense of comfort and security. I believe that is why when my husband and I were married I made the decision to work in the home as a mother and wife. My mom set a great example for me in this area and so that is the life I wanted as well. I know it sounds foreign today, but I wanted to cook and clean and be there when our children came home from school. It is a choice that I made and I would never change it, not in a million years!
Back to the “No one in the house when I’m not home” issue. When Rick and I married, we both decided that this rule would be implemented in our household as well. Why? Mainly because we remembered being “teenagers” too! Even though we were “good kids” we both got into things with our friends that every teen today is tempted with! If you were or are a teenager right now, you probably know what I’m talking about. We decided that without some kind of parental or adult supervision, kids and teens are going to be faced with making right and wrong decisions and because of their adolescence will not always make the right ones. “Yea, but my kid is a good kid and you have to let them make their mistakes!” Yea, you’re right, but that does not mean that we should toss out rules. In life there needs to be some guidelines. It’s just like with sports, there are rules to the game(s) Or think about traffic laws. Most of them are there for our protection. If you have a 4 way stop sign and everyone decides, “Eh, I’m not gonna stop, I have somewhere else to be” then guess what? You have a major collision.
In our home if our children break any of our rules there will be consequences. There is of course childhood discipline and then as they get older there is a different kind of discipline. For instance, if our 14-year-old breaks any of the rules, especially the one about not having anyone over while we are not home or being in a friend’s house without at least one of the parents home, then we take privileges away (something they REALLY like to do) such as video games or hanging out with friends. I am thankful to say that this has not harmed our relationship with our children, in other words, they don’t hate us for doing it. In fact, it produces a respect, an understanding that they know they broke a rule and they have to pay the consequences. We believe this has been successful because even when they were small, they did not “rule” the roost so to speak. We did not tolerate tantrums just to get their way. It’s sad, I have witnessed many situations with children and teens and how they treat their parents, and what baffles me the most is the parents ALLOW it!! Listen folks, children want you to care enough about them to not allow them to do whatever they want, whenever they want. No, I’m not crazy! Just the other day when I went for a bike ride to the preserve, a local fishing pier in our town, I came across a young Dad, probably in his 30’s and two school age girls, about 7 years old, the older, maybe 9. Anyway, the oldest was very calm, reserved. Her little sister on the other hand was just down right out of control!! She would not listen to either her Dad or her sister. For instance they were playing an echo game, they liked hearing their voices echo under the pavilion, sound fun right? Yea for about a minute or two. But the youngest sister just got louder and louder, and more irritating, especially when her father and sister would try to get her to quiet down. Well, it got so bad, and I was trying to enjoy the peace and quiet (not that there was any) that finally, I thought this girl needs someone to get her to stop, so as I sat on the bench I turned around with a raised, serious voice and said “That’s enough!” “Quiet down!” Guess what? She did just that, and not another peep until they left.
Even to this day our children are taught to listen to their parents. The Bible says that children are to “Honor your father and mother” and God has an awesome promise that follows, “so that you will live a long life and that things will go well with you” Deuteronomy 5:16. After that incidence at the fishing pier the Lord showed me that children want to be disciplined, Why? It goes back to a very important scripture that says, “A child’s heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it far away” Proverbs 22;15 nlt. He showed me that they have this what seems to be an uncontrollable urge to disobey and the only way to stop it are for the parents/guardians to fulfill their God-given responsibility and that is to drive it far away from their child through discipline. Parents, this may seem hard on you but it is one of the BEST things for your children. It’s just like if you decided to miss a lot of work at the office and you tell your boss time and time again, that you just don’t feel like working, what do you think will happen?! “YOU’RE FIRED!!” My point is quite simple, there are reasons for rules! Another great scripture is also in Proverbs verse 6, “Direct your children (teach and discipline) onto the right path, and when they are older they will not leave it.”
Are our children perfect? No! Do they still make mistakes? Absolutely. We implement these God-given instructions in our family NOT because we think that we’re better than others or that our children are better than other children. We do it because we love them. We’re their parents, and being a parent is a blessing from God to teach and train our children to do their best to follow God and his principles which will result in God promising them (all children) a long and happy life!